Day 29 +7

Well I haven't felt much like doing any blogging for a while... Not like me at all.
To be dead honest I have been really bummin lately. It's been 11 weeks since we sent off my Spousal VISA application. Initially we were both sure it would show up in 4-6 weeks. I applied for jobs...have had some good offers. I have done my best to keep my mind busy...with my wife being the driving force behind that. But I am nearly at the end of my rope some days, at least mentally. My mind was completely clouded. Kind of turning within myself. Not wanting to do anything I used to enjoy. I had set my camera down, stopped writing, didn't want to take any trips.
Then a couple weeks ago my wife and I traveled to Portsmouth. I was on my way to see the UK's reigning expert on PTSD. Dr Morgan O' Connell. I was fairly nervous. I knew he was the MAN to talk to. Probably knows more than a few experts in the states.
While waiting for him down stairs in the Royal Maritime Club....we were introduced to another ex-service member from the British Army....I briefly met him..really just shook his hand..and then went upstairs to talk to the DOC. It was a good experience for me. Doc O'Connell seems like the first person I have spoke to who truly understands the plight of a combat medic. The guy genuinely cares about the people he sees. He treats you with respect and dignity. I trust him. I could tell I was going to trust him as soon as I met him. He dug up somethings from before the war...before when I was in 21...Bosnia...and we began working our way forward. Things I haven't thought about for a number of years. We sat and talked for alittle over an hour.
And then as it began, it was over. We shook hands and parted...probably will see him in early November. I hope so.
Down stairs...Lucy had been chatting to the guy we met. turns out his name is MO...and he too lives in Andover. He passed her his card...told me to give him a call.

Well a week went by before I had the nerve to call. I just grabbed the phone last Wednesday....next thing I know he was stopping by to pick me up. Introducing me to people...
I felt a huge wave of relief spread over me. I was beginning to think I was some kind of social pariah. On Saturday....he picked me up at 6am...Him and his mate(buddy) were going spearfishing. I was just along for the ride. To be near the coast.
I have to say it was nice to be able to be near my ocean again. It has been a good many years since i have been able to sit on the beach and clear my mind of all thoughts.
As I sat there I thought about my life. The places I have been to, people I have met...I know I have had quite a different life then most. Since I was 9 or 10...I started doing things other's only dreamed of. I took a great bit of solace in the fact that I have had a fairly charmed life. I have done so many things I have wanted to do. Seen 4 out 7 continents. Been to 30 + countries. Played instruments in front of huge crowds...via drum and bugle corp..I can imagine it is the same rush rock stars get when they walk out in front of an arena. I fought for my country, saved lives and even delivered babies. I have imparted my knowledge onto others...my family friends and fellow soldiers. I have done well. I don't want to stop now. I think that is what is getting me down. I feel like I am useless. Stagnating....is my worse nightmare. I don't want to become part of the drone. I won't lie and say money doesn't fuel me to some extent. It does. I just don't need millions to be happy. I am happiest when I am traveling. moving.....exploring....and teaching.
Saturday was a godsend for me. I think if I stay on this new path...with some help from my new friends, my wife....I will be fine.
The place we went to is called Durdle Door. It is along the Jurassic Coast. The view front the cliffs is breathtaking! I highly recommend it to anyone needing time to relax or just clear their head.

day 28...Garfield hates Mondays..I don't

Pretty.

Day 27 When I was 18.....

moved out of my dad's house 2 days after the last day of high school. Moved to Ventura, to my bro's house up on Poli St. Didn't have a clue what I was doing...Went to Ventura College....played drums...hung out with girls....really didn't do much of anything productive. I spent alot of time walking on this beach, contemplating my future.... This is now right outside my brother's place....looking towards surfer's point.
Had some crazy times there.
Was in the line up once with my buds Skip and Andy...enjoying the crisp ocean air..waiting for our next ride...When a sealion swam between us. We were used to seeing them all the time. Usually fairly playful....getting into mischief....bumping us from our boards. Barking at us....
Well this one morning... the little guy...swam past us like lightning. Didn't stop to say "hi"...we were fairly puzzled. Well this a point, in hindsight we should have maybe paddled in. We didn't...
Within 30 seconds we were aware of another ominous presence in the water. This dark shape circled. My heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. SKIPPY being the anti-hero he is...not understanding there is safety in numbers....paddled his happy ass into shore. I was frantically looking around for our new "friend." Andy was more quiet than usual. Not the most helpful thing....We couldn't see the bottom..the water was quiet murky. In California the water is clear as day during most of the year. So we were having some great luck huh? Good day to play the lottery....I should have looked up to sky...would have seen snow too.
So there I am....about 150 ft from shore, bobbing in the water like a flipperless seal...an h'oreuve to anything swimming. Well, Andy and I decided to make out way back to shore. Trying to do so without making too much of a splash is difficult. Anyways....we turn around...not the smartest of moves..turning your back on a threat..but considering again what it could be...I didn't think it matter much. That and another set was rolling in...and we thought..we would just ride back in.
Well that was the plan..... and it worked for Andy. Yup...I missed the ride...bad timing. Well I was still freaked out...I put my head on my board.....I knew whatever it was...was just curious. If it was actually here for a meal...one of us would have been breakfast already. I continued paddling in. I just stared at the beach. Imagined how good the dry sand was going to feel between my toes. Looking to my right....there was nothing. Looking to my left, I saw a couple dorsal fins in the waves....and then suddenly gray head emerged right in front of me. My heart skipped a beat...and I started to laugh.... DOLPHINS! We freaked out over a couple of dolphins.

Day 26 Pete Cuzzo's Magical Mystery Tour

Ok...the Tiger II..this thing was a beast. I was completely amazed at how incredibly huge it is. About 30% bigger than the American Patton Tank or 50% bigger than the Sherman. What a site this must have been to see rumbling at your position in WW2. I would have probably crapped my pants.
The museum was absoluetly the best Tank museum I have ever been to. I have been to a few. The one at Ft Knox doesn't have the variety. The one in Baumholder, Germany had decent variety, but took really shitty care of the vehicle exhibits. Plus this museum has a great replica trech exhibit depicting what life was like for the Doughboys in WW1. Britain obviously takes great pride in their military and preserving it's history.
My wife at the little seaside town of Swanage. It was a fairly wet day. Not too much color. I think people here for the most part hate the rain. I love it myself. In fact I love bad weather....Bad being up for the normal interpretation. bad weather makes great photos....
The day was really cool. I didn't expect the museum..we originally intended to go to Longleet Wild Safari Park. I would have loved that too. Lucy wanted to go to a "Living Rainforest" that is nearby. next time....or maybe this weekend. She loves animals...and plants...so..it would only be fair.
I had a great time on Saturday with her folks and her. I was in dire need of a short trip.

Day 25

No I am not cynotic.....just dead bored and blue.


As a side note.... I took a few moments to reflect on this day in history.
Most people have no idea what I would be talking about...
This day produced many heros, but there are two from TF Ranger that stand out
MSG G. Gordon and SFC R. Shugart. Check the Medal of Honor website http://www.cmohs.org/recipients.htm
if you want to know who they are and what they did.
God bless them, the men next to them and their families.

Day 24

Winchester......just taking a stroll.

Day 23 trip to The Royal Maritime Club in Portsmouth

Just a few pics from out trip today. had to go see a doctor for PTSD today. Usually I don't talk too much about the service anymore. Most people just don't understand what vets do. But this DOC inderstands. He had me talking and thinking about stuff...from 95 to the present. It was a good trip...

Plus I got to spend part of the afternoon with Lucy in Portsmouth....

However we did spend 7 quid on some really SHIT fudge....
dammit.